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So, I’m sure many of you, like me, thought when you saw “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” hey, two great things that go great together! And were quite excited to read it.

And, hey, how bad could it be, it’s a mashup of zombies and Jane Austen?

Well, I spent yesterday evening reading it and that’s an evening of my life I’ll never get back.

I really should have read the back blurb before bothering to try. I don’t consider the back cover blurb to be a spoiler so let me just reprint the pertinent part here. “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you’d actually want to read.”

And it is this idea that informs the entirety of the book. Because the assumption of the remixer, Seth Grahame-Smith and his cohorts at “Quirk Classics” is that nobody wants to read Jane Austen. (The book is further subheaded, not as literature, but as “the Classic Regency Romance.”)

So think of all the millions of nobodies out there that they are talking about. You might be one of them.

They have to add violence and mocking so that “anybody” will want to read it. Anybody meaning men, of course. He has to infect the book with zombies so that he won’t get infected with cooties for reading it, I guess.

And it is just this obvious nonsense that makes the book so irritating. Because the remixer not only mocks it, he assumes you are stupid to be reading it in the first place, seeing people who read Jane Austen aren’t anybody and he has to make it accessible to the kind of total fuckwits who might want to read a book by a woman in the first place.

He does things that Jane Austen doesn’t, like explain what everyone thinks and is feeling in a totally redundant fashion, instead of assuming you can tell how they think and feel by observing what they do and say, as Jane Austen does. All the humor of the actual novel is lost while crude jokes about balls are added, because you know, people going to balls is comedy gold, just like it is in the finest lyrics by AC/DC.

While there’s some cool stuff in it, I thought the stuff with Charlotte Lucas and Lady Catherine genuinely amusing and interesting, I got very tired of being talked down to after the first few chapters and then just sort of hung on in morbid fascination to watch him crudely hating on something when he could have done something that was charming and affectionate. Not to mention totally not understanding the book he’s parodying in the first place, because clearly the subtlety of actual human folly and the very heart and close observation of real behavior and personalities that makes Jane Austen a classic in the first place is utterly lost on him, everything becomes broad slapstick and crude and totally unfunny sexual innuendo. (And this from a person who finds a lot of sexual innuendo very funny when it is done well.) His treatment of Mrs. Bennet, Lydia and Wickham and Mr. Collins being the most horrible and out of character, and this because the author clearly doesn’t understand what makes any of them tick. In fact, he goes so far as to tell us some totally out of character spoilers that just pissed me off. The faux “study questions” at the end of the book point this out better than anything, I think. “ 8. Does Mrs. Bennet have a single redeeming quality?”

I read today that other versions with vampires are intended. I would suggest avoiding them and this one, too.

I just wish Tim Powers would write that Brontes and Werewolves book he said he was thinking about so many years ago. THAT would be worth reading.

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Just got back from seeing Gaelic Storm at the Irish American Heritage Center. THAT was cool. Check them out if you get the chance.
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New countertop
Originally uploaded by Sarah Ellen Parsons
They're both up at flickr.

You can see the new floor here and new countertop and sink. The backsplash will be subway tile in white and the cupboards are going to be white as well.

The wall with the outside door and going down the stairs will be white, while the other walls will be cookie dough color.

Seeing the kitchen has no windows trying to keep it light and bright with the counter and the stove being the only darker bits for contrast.
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Got the new windows installed this morning. They look worlds better and I can actually open the ones in the bedrooms now!

Sadly, I can't rehang my lovely wood blinds in the living room because they were sized to fit inside the old windows and can't be reattached to the vinyl. I have curtains for the moment, but must come up with a more cat-hair repellent solution ASAP.

[info]kirbyfest came over and visited this afternoon and went with me to get new paint for the kitchen, among other things. She was very tolerant of my home improvement madness.

I will be glad to finally get things finished and just get to enjoy my house a little however long I still own it.
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Those of you who have me friended on flickr should go over and check out the fish I caught yesterday. Second biggest bass I've ever caught.

Then I went to the casino and won $120. Hee. Lucky day.

Back to the old grind tomorrow.
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Heading up north tomorrow morning. There is no internet.

Stay out of flamewars while I'm gone, everybody!
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Not only was work awful and filled with trying to capitalize on the deaths of MJ and FF, but it was full of insane BS that was internally generated.

THE WORST part, however, was while it was sucking I was supposed to be getting new countertop.

Now, I ordered my countertop some weeks back and got a professional measurement and a phone call from the contractor that it was to be installed this morning between 8 and 10 a.m. I had to demo it myself and did it Wednesday night so it would be hauled away on garbage day Thursday.

So this morning, i get a call from my brother, while I'm in a meeting, that the installers aren't there yet. It is nearly noon.

So we start calling around.

Countertop is on backorder and won't be in until July 11. Nobody knows why I wasn't informed, but I wasn't. So sorry.

THE MOST unprofessional thing that has ever happened outside the time the gas company turned off my gas for my landlord not transferring the bill to my name when I moved in and me never getting one at all.

So now I have NOTHING in the kitchen, no sink, no counter nothing.

Except that I had plywood and A. rigged up something that works for the moment. It is like trailer park in here. Awesome.

But I am going to get this for free essentially or I am taking these bastards to court.

I am going to console myself by going to see Augustana and Counting Crows for free at Taste of Chicago tomorrow.

Current Mood: angry

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One of my best friends from HS is going to be unexpectedly in town for the next couple of days at an academic conference.

Going to see her both tomorrow for dinner and then on Friday, which is also her birthday. I haven't been with her on her birthday in years.

Got a card for her today, but now must find a present of some sort.

Current Mood: happy

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Yesterday mostly just cleaned up around the house. Got some of the crap out of my basement. I will work on that as much as possible over the summer and maybe have the whole thing straightened out by the end.

Bought a garbage disposal which we will put in when the countertop and sink is replaced on June 26th. I am very excited to finally getting the kitchen put back together after ripping the backsplash out in a fit of hatred for the fake brick a while back.

A. played a show in Lombard at a dire little strip mall bar, but it was a really good show.

Today hung out at Mom's.

a. bought a fun new little game called "Hinterlands" and it is amusing. Will be something to do when I go to the UP where there is no internet. Probably going to go back up there around the 4th of July.
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Your result for Which fantasy writer are you?...

Mary Gentle (b. 1956)

11 High-Brow, 11 Violent, 11 Experimental and 13 Cynical!

Congratulations! You are High-Brow, Violent, Experimental and Cynical! These concepts are defined below.


Mary Gentle is a UK author whose work has received some acclaim. Her great break-through came with 1984 fantasy novel Golden Witchbreed, which depicts the travels of a UK envoy on a planet, Orthe, where the inhabitants have, by choice, abandoned a high-tech society for a seemingly less advanced way of life. Though nominally science fiction, the novel is generally called fantasy, partly because Orthe has the feel of a fantasy world. Nothing is what it first seems to be on Orthe, however, and the envoy's journey across the planet gradually reveals a vividly imagined alternate society, where nothing is ever over-simplified or, for that matter, easy. Gentle revisited Orthe in 1987, when the sequel Ancient Light was published.


Since then Gentle has written the White Crow sequence, starting with Rats and Gargoyles (1990), which has received some acclaim, not least from other writers; China Miéville, for example, put it on his list of "50 science fiction and fantasy novels socialists should read". She has also written Grunts! (1992), a novel set in a Tolkien-like fantasy world, but told from the point of view of the orcs, as well as several other books.


Gentle is not one to shun away from difficult issues in her works and is equally unafraid of discussing and depicting violence. Neither has she settled to writing the same kind of story over and over, and, while being at her best a great entertainer, she has the ability of twisting and bending fantasy environments and themes at her will, making unafraid a key-word of her career as a writer.



You are also a lot like Gene Wolfe.



If you want something more gentle (no pun intended), try Philip Pullman.



If you'd like a challenge, try your exact opposite, J K Rowling.



Your score


This is how to interpret your score: Your attitudes have been measured on four different scales, called 1) High-Brow vs. Low-Brow, 2) Violent vs. Peaceful, 3) Experimental vs. Traditional and 4) Cynical vs. Romantic. Imagine that when you were born, you were in a state of innocence, a tabula rasa who would have scored zero on each scale. Since then, a number of circumstances (including genetical, cultural and environmental factors) have pushed you towards either end of these scales. If you're at 45 or -45 you would be almost entirely cynical, low-brow or whatever. The closer to zero you are, the less extreme your attitude. However, you should always be more of either (eg more romantic than cynical). Please note that even though High-Brow, Violent, Experimental and Cynical have positive numbers (1 through 45) and their opposites negative numbers (-1 through -45), this doesn't mean that either quality is better. All attitudes have their positive and negative sides, as explained below.


High-Brow vs. Low-Brow


You received 11 points, making you more High-Brow than Low-Brow. Being high-browed in this context refers to being more fascinated with the sort of art that critics and scholars tend to favour, rather than the best-selling kind. At their best, high-brows are cultured, able to appreciate the finer nuances of literature and not content with simplifications. At their worst they are, well, snobs.


Violent vs. Peaceful


You received 11 points, making you more Violent than Peaceful. Please note that violent in this context does not mean that you, personally, are prone to violence. This scale is a measurement of a) if you are tolerant to violence in fiction and b) whether you see violence as a means that can be used to achieve a good end. If you are, and you do, then you are violent as defined here. At their best, violent people are the heroes who don't hesitate to stop the villain threatening innocents by means of a good kick. At their worst, they are the villains themselves.


Experimental vs Traditional


You received 11 points, making you more Experimental than Traditional. Your position on this scale indicates if you're more likely to seek out the new and unexpected or if you are more comfortable with the familiar, especially in regards to culture. Note that traditional as defined here does not equal conservative, in the political sense. At their best, experimental people are the ones who show humanity the way forward. At their worst, they provoke for the sake of provocation only.


Cynical vs Romantic


You received 13 points, making you more Cynical than Romantic. Your position on this scale indicates if you are more likely to be wary, suspicious and skeptical to people around you and the world at large, or if you are more likely to believe in grand schemes, happy endings and the basic goodness of humankind. It is by far the most vaguely defined scale, which is why you'll find the sentence "you are also a lot like x" above. If you feel that your position on this scale is wrong, then you are probably more like author x. At their best, cynical people are able to see through lies and spot crucial flaws in plans and schemes. At their worst, they are overly negative, bringing everybody else down.



Author picture by the talented artist "Molosovsky". Visit http://www.flickr.com/people/25360041@N06/ for more!



Take Which fantasy writer are you?
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